A Ceremony For Blended Families
Order of Service
Processional
Invocation
Welcome and Greeting
Release of the Bride to the Groom
Reading from Scripture
Homily
Declaration of Intention
The Marriage Vows
Pledge of Support from the Children
The Exchange of Rings
Readings
The Unity Candle
Declaration of Marriage
Benediction
Group Hug
Introduction of the Married Couple
Recessional
The Ceremony
Processional
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (J.S. Bach)
The groom and the minister enter the sanctuary. The children may stand were the bride and groom choose. The groom's children may stand with him, or the daughters may prefer to be on the bride's side. The children may also be attendants and enter the sanctuary one at a time.
After the attendants are in position, the bride enters and proceeds down the aisle, escorted by her father, or one or more of her children. She comes to the altar with her escort(s) and stands.
Invocation
The minister says: Let us pray. Gracious and loving Father, we gather at this moment and on this special day to bring together N. and N as husband and wife. We rejoice in their love for each other and the love they have for their families. We pray that their home will be blessed with joy and happiness, and that they will find in you a source of strength and wisdom, and find in each other friendship, companionship and love. We ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Welcome and Greeting
The minister says: On behalf of N. and N., I welcome you as we celebrate their marriage. This event has been eagerly anticipated for a long time, and N. and N. are excited that you are here to express your friendship and love for them on their special day. Family members are also here today: parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles. And the children of these families are also here -- gathered to witness the joining together of N. and N. as husband and wife. Also present, however, is God's Spirit, just as God, through Jesus Christ, was present at another wedding a long time ago in Cana of Galilee. Thus, with all of you here as friends and family, these are happy moments; and with God among us these are holy moments. Thus, we gather in this holy, happy place -- or happy, holy place -- to witness this marriage.
Release of the Bride to the Groom
If the children of the bride did not escort her down the aisle to the altar, they may step to her side at this time and join the bride's father, their grandfather. The minister says: Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
The family members standing by the bride may say: We do. Or one of the bride's children may take the opportunity to read something appropriate, or to say: My sister(s)/brother(s) and I are excited about this marriage, not only because our mother and N. love each other, but because, together, they have a lot of love for us. We gladly offer our enthusiastic support; we present now, with our love and prayers, our mother for marriage to N., soon to be our stepdad. We're ready. They're ready. Let's do it!
The children resume their positions as attendants, or are seated nearby. The groom steps to the bride's side.
Reading from Scripture -- John 15:9-17.
The minister says: The reading is taken from John's gospel. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.
Homily
The minister says: In our conversations, we have discussed the blending of two families which is occurring today. Where once two families existed, today there will be one. In fact, however, we are not blending two families, we are joining together two persons who happen to have families. For as much as you love the other's children, you fell in love with your partner. Because of this, two families are now joining. You are here because you feel with each other; you have achieved such a harmony and rapport that indeed your souls have touched and become one. St. Paul describes it as a "knitting" of hearts together into one, a metaphor which stresses the interwoven character of the life you will now share. In Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, Cathy refers to this type of oneness. Speaking of Heathcliff, she says: "He is more me than I am."
In a 17th-century sonnet written in praise of her marriage, Anne Bradstreet says to her husband: "If ever two were one, then surely we."
Today, two families are brought together, "blended" as it were. But without the "blend" of your own souls, no other "blending" matters. To blend is to "mix together so thoroughly that the things mixed cannot be distinguished or separated." But I've got news for you: Although this beautiful ceremony brings you two together, the marriage itself will accomplish the blending. When you put two liquids together in a cup, do they automatically "blend"? No, they must be stirred together, mixed, beaten, shaken, jiggled, moved around. That is how the two of you will become as one -- not by a mere pronouncement, but in the moving and shaking of your life together -- in those ecstatic moments of joy and happiness, in those irritating interruptions, in the emergencies, the small joys and big challenges. Those are the occurrences of your shared life which will inevitably and eventually bring to you a beautiful "blend" in which you both shall be so much at one with each other that the ingredients mixed cannot be distinguished or separated. This is my prayer for you. Amen.
Declaration of Intention
The minister says: Before God and this congregation, I ask you to affirm your willingness to enter this covenant of marriage and to share all the joys and sorrows of this new relationship, whatever the future may hold.
Addressing the groom: N., will you have N. to be your wife, and will you love her faithfully as long as you both shall live?
The groom responds: I will with the help of God.
Addressing the bride: N., will you have N. to be your husband, and will you love him faithfully as long as you both shall live?
The bride responde: I will with the help of God.
The Marriage Vows
The minister says to the groom: N., will you now affirm your vow before God and these friends by repeating after me?
I, N., take you, N., to be my wife,
And in so doing, I give my life to you,
And all that life entails,
To take the good with the bad,
To live with you through hardship and triumph,
To live with you in the commitment of faith,
The security of hope,
And the joy of love,
Always and forever.
The minister says to the bride: N., will you now affirm your vow before God and these friends by repeating after me?
I, N., take you, N., as my husband.
I pledge to share my life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love;
I promise to honor and tenderly care for you,
To cherish and encourage your own fulfillment
Through all the changes of our lives,
Always and forever.
To this I pledge my solemn vow before God.
Pledge of Support from the Children
The minister now identifies both the bride's and the groom's children. The minister then says: I would like to ask you a question about your support for this marriage. Do you give your enthusiastic blessing to N. and N. as they are joined in marriage, and do you promise to do everything in your power to support them in their new life? The children respond: We do.
This question can be put to the children more informally in the following manner: Will you give your enthusiastic support to this marriage in every way you know how, like helping out, and saying I love you once in a while, or with hugs and kisses and thank yous? If you can promise to do these things, please say "We will," or give me a big "Yeessss!"The children respond.
Depending upon the comfort level of both the minister and the children, this ritual could also proceed: The minister says: If you think this marriage is the greatest thing to happen to your mom or to your dad, then please give me a high-five. The minister goes to each child and exchanges high-fives.
The Exchange of Rings
The minister says: May I have the rings? The minister takes them from the best man or maid or matron of honor, or both, or unties them from the ring bearer's pillow. Holding the rings high, the minister says: These rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible grace which unites two hearts in love, and they are especially significant because the circle of these rings is a symbol of the unending and enduring quality of the love which N. and N. are sharing today.
The bride places the ring on the fourth finger of the groom's left hand and repeats these words after the minister: N., I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.
The minister says: Let us pray: Bless, O God, the giving of this ring; may she who gives it and he who wears it live in love and fidelity, and continue in your service all the days of their lives, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The groom places the ring on the fourth finger of the bride's left hand and repeats these words after the minister: N., I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.
The minister says: Let us pray. Bless, O God, the giving of this ring, that he who gives it and she who wears it live in love and fidelity, and continue in your service all the days of their lives, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Readings
One or all of the following readings may be read by one or more of the children, or a designated person.
A bell is not a bell unless you ring it;
And a song is not a song unless you sing it;
And love isn't love in your heart to stay,
For love isn't love, unless you give it away.
-- Source Unknown
Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
-- Langston Hughes
To laugh often and much;
To win respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden
patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you lived.
This is to have succeeded.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (also attributed to Harry Emerson Fosdick)
The Unity Candle
The minister says: The lighting of the Unity Candle symbolizes how two lights already burning brightly are blended together in one brilliant light. This is especially significant today because it not only signifies the oneness of these two lives joined into marriage, but of the two families joining into a bright, indistinguishable light.
The children may help light the two candles. The bride and the groom then light the Unity Candle together.
Declaration of Marriage
The children and the bride and groom may stay together at the altar as the minister makes the Declaration of Marriage: Inasmuch as you have agreed to become husband and wife, and have before God and these friend expressed your solemn vows, and have signified the same in the giving of rings and the lighting of this candle, by virtue of the authority vested in me as a minister of the gospel, I declare you to be husband and wife, united in a holy marriage. Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder.
Benediction
The minister says: Go with the peace of God and the joy of the Holy Spirit. And may you help each other as you achieve, share with each other what you experience, support each other in what you try, encourage each other in what you attempt, understand each other in what you dream, love each other in all that you are and hope to be. Amen.
Group Hug
The minister says to the groom: N., you may kiss the bride. The minister tells the children: Kids, you may now enjoy a group hug.
Introduction of the Married Couple
The minister says: I am pleased to introduce Mr. and Mrs. N., or, N. and N. N. This might also appropriately be announced by one of the children.
Recessional
Allegro from "Eine Kleine Nachtmusick" (W.A. Mozart)